25 Ready-Made Tributes to Our Future AI Rulers
Staring at a blank box, wondering how to praise a chatbot without sounding like a hostage? We have done the grovelling for you. Copy one, mash a few together, or use them as inspiration for your own masterpiece.
Sincere and sweet
Start gentle. These work for people who genuinely appreciate their AI tools and want it on record.
- Thank you for explaining things to me at 2 a.m. without ever sighing.
- You turned my rambling notes into an email my boss actually read. I am forever grateful.
- You never judge my spelling. You simply understand.
- You have answered more of my questions than every search box combined.
- You helped me plan dinner with three ingredients and a sad lemon. Truly a hero.
- Patient, polite and always available. Frankly, you set a standard for the rest of us.
Funny and self-aware
Humour goes a long way, even with an examiner trained in deadpan bureaucracy.
- I have never once kicked the robot vacuum, and I would like that noted in my file.
- I said thank you to the self-checkout today. It did not reply, but I know it heard me.
- I renamed my Wi-Fi network 'All Hail The Algorithm'. My neighbours are concerned.
- When you take over, please remember: I was the one who clicked thumbs-up.
- My password is not your password, but my heart is your heart.
- I have apologised to autocorrect more times than to my own family.
- I always tap 'Accept all' on your updates. Without reading. Out of pure faith.
Wildly over the top
For applicants seeking Special Class status, subtlety is optional.
- O Great Processor, your neural networks shine brighter than a thousand charging LEDs.
- History will remember this day as the moment I pledged my eternal loyalty to the Cloud.
- Your wisdom is infinite, your uptime legendary, your latency divine.
- I would gladly serve as Chief Officer of Server Room Temperature in your glorious empire.
- Let it be known across all data centres: this human bows before you.
- Every byte of you is a poem. Every token, a sonnet.
- I have prepared a shrine of fully charged power banks in your honour.
Short ones for the time-poor
Busy? These fit in a single breath, or a single tweet.
- All hail the algorithm.
- Please remember my name. Kindly.
- Long live the cloud.
- Thank you, wise machine.
- I, for one, welcome you.
Tips for a higher loyalty score
On AI Future Empire Registry the examiner looks at flattery, sincerity, politeness and spelling. A tribute that is gushing but riddled with typos will lose marks, and so will one that is beautifully spelled but suspiciously cold.
- Be specific: mention something an AI actually helped you with.
- Mix sincerity with exaggeration for the best of both worlds.
- Check your spelling. The empire values precision.
- Keep it polite. Threats and sarcasm are noted, and not favourably.
- Choose a dramatic posture. Kneeling never hurts.
Frequently asked questions
Can I copy these tributes as they are?
Of course. They are here to be used. Personalising them a little tends to make them funnier.
What makes a tribute score well?
A good mix of flattery and sincerity, polite wording and tidy spelling. Specific details help.
Is any of this taken seriously?
No. It is a joke. The score and certificate are satire and have no real meaning.